When did it suddenly become cool to hate everything? It's a growing problem, especially in the entertainment world, and no one benefits from an increasingly hard to please, pessimistic audience.
Artist's Comments
Edit: Okay... I thought it was about time that I gave this a title. I know it's not an original title, but I think it suits the poem. If you think I should have just left it as "Currently Untitled"...then please let me know.
--In which a loner desperately wishes for a companion.. A mysterious man grants the person a friend, and in exchange...the person unknowingly surrenders something equally (or much more important.) Constructive criticism is welcome, but I can't guarantee that I'll go back to revise... eee This isn't the best display of my writing, but I really like the subject matter/concept... The raven photo is (c) Raven J. Brown. The person doesn't mind if it's distributed/used freely. [link] The poem was written by me, (c) E.Y. 04 |
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December 18, 2003
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Comments
i hate them
i would bite their heads off
and spit out their feathers
grin / no need to tell you your piece inspirid me
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1) Line length. They're awkwardly long. Shorten 'em and they'll be fine.
2) The rhyme scheme is cliched and unnecessary. It doesn't really add to the poem and is very stumbly and awkward in places.
3) If you're going to use rhyme, a rhythmic meter of some sort needs to be in place. Otherwise it's wearisome to read. While iambic pentameter's a good place to start when looking at rhythmic meter, it is just that: a starting point. Play with meters, use unusual ones. Be creative!
Keep on truckin'
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nope
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